They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Apparently you make a good broom.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
