Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Acid is not a monday night drug
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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