You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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