Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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