So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
