Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
