So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
