I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
