cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
