Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
