Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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