my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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