please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize