I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
