I wannas sexs uuuuu
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
do herpes really smell.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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