It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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