I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
