Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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