drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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