i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
