Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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