Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
