In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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