never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
