Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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