I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
do herpes really smell.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
