I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
