I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
