You're so nebulous sometimes
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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