Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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