bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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