I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
