I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
