Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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