I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
