Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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