theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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