My brain says no but my pants say off.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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