Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
FUCK WHALES
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
