Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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