I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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