About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
