Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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