On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
The beer is more important than you right now.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
