How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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