Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
