Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
