I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
