Apparently you make a good broom.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
