Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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