I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
