hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize