Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
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