Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
it was like eating out sand paper
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
