you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
