Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Life is so much better after having sex.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
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