you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
