i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
