I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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