I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
