I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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