she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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