Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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