Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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