I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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