Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"