I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.