I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
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Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
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Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.