You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
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So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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