Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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