ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
