I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
