My cat gives me a boner
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
